Everyone has fears. Phobias. Things which haunt them the most. I thought I never had one of those, until I almost drowned once. I, then realized one of my worst fears. It’s not just the fear of dying or actual death with drowning. There is much more to it.

It’s the helplessness, you are at the actual last breaths of your life and you know it. You know it’s going to happen and there’s nothing you can do about. Adding to that is the flash of life scenes you get before it is happening. You see your family, loved ones, people you have cared for, you mistakes and most importantly the memories. Things you have had in your life. Your mind knows it’s going to happen but the body has not given up yet. You flap, look around in desperation for a last freaking soul to help you out of this. That to me is the scariest thing ever.

Now, recently I have realized, I have a depths test. People I would jump into a water for. Any water regardless of the depth, vision and what lies underneath. I would dive in without a second thought. You remember the docking scene in Interstellar? The amazing background score by Hans Zimmer? Whenever I listen to it, I don’t think of a ship trying to dock. All I see is a person drowning deep in the sea and me jumping in to find and save them. The score progressively grows with time and then the dock happens. For me, I jump and go deeper into the ocean knowing there’s a loved one there going to die. But they don’t. Maybe this is a way of looking at myself as a hero. Everyone does it. They do something amazing to save the day.

But I have realized, this represents something deeper. The care for the person signifies the jump. Someone I am willing to die for.